Tomerton Film Productions present 'The Battle of Hoth!'

Dear Tom,
In the late 1970s I made a movie, which, although it was a massive success, wasn't exactly as I meant it to be. I wanted it made with models; not only the special effects, but all of it. I spent ages trying to explain this to the studio people and producers, but they just didn't get it. I was wondering, if using 1/76-o-vision, you could re-make it for me, properly?
Many thanks,
George,
America

From deep in space, a capsule plummetted through the atmosphere, a burning streak in the sky, till it came to a crashing halt in the ice encrusted surface of the planet hoth. Smoke and steam billowed from the rubble strewn scar.

Its payload was intact. A light flicked on, the top half of the battered capsule unscrewed itself, and there emerged spidery metal limbs one by one. Righting itself, the visitor began to hover, just a foot above the ground. Its head - a dome of instruments defined by a large black eye - swiveled. It was ready to begin its survey. With an electronic chant, it floated off on patrol: 'Nim-a-nim ner-ma-nim, nim-a-nim ner-ma-nim,...'

The droid, and hundreds like it, had been despatched to planets of this solar system to search for signs of life. Some hours after its arrival, the droid was confused by dual inputs: two living creatures hiding just beyond its sight on either side. It would move towards one, then both would move. In this way, the droid had been shuffled into a bluff surrounded by snow hills.

Finally, one of the organic lifeforms revealed himself:

Chewbacca - the giant roaring man-dog! As the droid turned its weapons to the wookie, the other lifeform emerged from the hill behind.
Han Solo : smuggler, gambler, and unlikely hero of the Rebel alliance.

With his blaster drawn, Han shot at the droid. He wanted only to disable it. Instead, the droid exploded - annihilating itself!

Shocked, but they had the information they needed. Han Solo radioed his report in to Echo Base.

++++++++++

Over the radio, Hans voice reported it was an Imperial probe droid. 'I didn't hit it that hard... must have had a self destruct'

General Riekan & Princess Leias eyes met solemly. The Rebels had played this game of cat & mouse with the Empire across the galaxy ; setting up base on the most obscure, inhospitable planets. And still the Empire would find them. Lacking the might to fight the Empire in open battle, the Rebels had to run - using hyperspace speeds and the vastness of the galaxy to their advantage. They would hide again, and wait to strike when they could. General Riekan gave the order:

'Begin the evacuation'

++++++++++

Lurking in space like sharks, were a fleet of enormous Imperial Star Destroyers. On the bridge of the giant fleet flagship, the Executor, stood Darth Vader, gazing at the planet ahead. Nervously, officer underlings brought a report to their warlord commander.

The report, a curtailed transmission from the probe droid, indicated unexpected signs of life on the planet Hoth. Too brief to be conclusive, the officers quibbled. Till Darth Vader overruled:
'They are there... i sense it'

Admiral Ozzel was newly arrived from the academy, and frankly, hadn't figured out the mores of working for a mystic space samurai. He put his foot right in it.

'You sense it? Honestly, is that how we do things? Darthster, we've got a whole tonne of advanced monitoring equipment, we could give the planet a proper going over - no need for your space magic matey'

The other officers winced.

From his spies upon the Executor (*the tea ladies), Darth Vader knew his underlings had become blase to the prospect of being strangled on the job. It was time to try something new.

Wordlessly, Darth Vader stared down onto Admiral Ozzel. Ozzel's lips curled, as he felt cold invisible hands grip him by the hips. Feeling first a tightness, a constriction, then a terrible pinching, crushing pain. Ozzel fell to his knees, gasping with horror - his underpants were being shrunk in-situ!

The impassive mask of Darth Vader hid his private amusement. As workplace murders go, that was a cracker. To the next officer in line, he ordered 'Captain Piett, you are in command now. Commence the ground assault.'

++++++++++

Echo Base was a maze of natural ice caves, which the Rebels had enlarged with laser cutting to create the enormous dormitories, workshops and space craft hangars they needed.

The hangar was a constant hive of activity, as ground crews worked to adapt craft to the icy planet.

Everyone knew the next battle with the Empire was inevitable - and when the evacuation klaxons sounded, pilots, infantry men and droids ran to their duties:

Princess Leia gathered the x-wing pilots to brief them on a daring escape plan. There would only be two escort fighters per transport - this was all the Rebels had. The Rebels were hoping that blasts from their Ion Canon would clear a path through the Imperial fleet above.

Outside the caves, on the frozen icy plains, brave infantry men readied trenches and laser canons, hoping against hope that there would not be a ground battle.

Grimly determined, amongst them were the androids from the planet Antipodes, JFF-AA & WNGN-M. There was Danny1960, and his 1959 clone brothers. Lof03-P0; with his uncanny ability to predict the future (almost as if he'd seen these events before?). The Handy-Mandalorian D'ren-Sh'dow; who not only served as an infantry-man, but had done a fantastic job fitting out the base bathrooms. And there was the man/beast they knew only as 'the Yukoner' - a creature so well adapted to these cold climes, he had to be ordered to wear trousers.

If the Rebels had hoped to slip away unnoticed, their luck was out. Scanning spectra-scope binoculars across the horizon, Captain Farrell reported - 'We have spotted Imperial walkers!'

Imperial walkers. Giant elephant-like assault engines, marching unstoppably across the tundra!

The walkers weren't simply machines. Gargantuan cyborgs: metal machinery grafted into the nerves and sinews of natural beasts. Cruelly driven by two pilots inside the head cavity, with 100 snow centurions lurking in its belly.

The Imperials expected the Rebels to possess an Ion canon - a giant reactor powered gun, which they would use to clear a path through space above, allowing their ships to escape. Hence their attack began with landing ground forces, aiming to destroy the reactor.

With turbo-laser blasts deflecting from their shields with no consequence, the walkers crushed inexorably on, towards the ant-like rebel infantry. 'I've spotted Imperial wa*kers' cursed JFF-AA bitterly.

Surely the Rebels had something to counter the Imperial onslaught? In the hangar, pilots ran to small, terrain hugging aircraft. Snowspeeders. One such pilot was Luke Skywalker - hero of the Death Star attack. That Luke was alive today was nothing short of a miracle - for just the day before he had been attacked by a ice monster!

++++++++++

Yesterday: Luke had volunteered to check the perimeter - a rim of electronic sensors bounding the Rebel base. He was completing his check, when a giant hairy smelly arm walloped him!

Dimly regaining consciousness, Lukes predicament was dire. Badly injured, hung upside down in the animals meat-store. He would freeze or be eaten.

On the ice beneath him, his light sabre. Luke focussed - for in an uncanny way, he possessed a gift, similar to Darth Vader. On first attempt, furrowing his brow, straining, and wishing as hard as he could - he farted, loudly. Oops. That's not how you're meant to do it. Trying again - relaxing, clearing his mind to all the cosmic possibilities - the light sabre lifted from the floor, and rose to his outstretched hand!

Cutting himself free, and killing the beast, Luke was far from saved. With his heater pack destroyed, and a blizzard falling in - he would surely die. Stumbling in the snow outside the cave, these were perhaps Lukes final moments.

Here, he was amazed to find himself joined by a companion. A ghost, a vision? For it was Ben Kenobi - the mystic desert hermit, Luke's friend and mentor, last seen meeting his end in battle with Darth Vader!

The vision spoke: 'Luke, you will go to the Dagobah system - there you will study under Yoda and learn the ways of the Jedi'

'D-A-G... how do you spell it sorry? I better write this down, have you got a pen?'

Obi wan did not have a pen. He faded, and was replaced by a more tangible rescuer. Han Solo - risking his own life as the blizzard rose, had ridden out from Echo Base determined to find his friend.

Han could see Luke was ebbing way - he had to act quick. Luke had only met Han some weeks ago, and to be honest, there were moments where he had to wonder how well they really knew each other. Not that Luke was in any position to quibble, but Han slicing open the corpse of his own fallen Taun-taun to shove Luke inside was weird:

'this may smell a little bad kid, but it'll keep you warm...'

And he was right, on both counts.

++++++++++

The bacta tank had only marginal therapeutic value. The medical droids used it on patients, mainly because they found it funny. If you could understand the binary bleeps of droid language, you would have overheard:
'wriggle wriggle wriggle. little human in jelly. funny funny!'
'affirmative affirmative - repeat the poking !!'

Luke made a full recovery. Now, at the controls of his snowspeeder, he led the gnat like squadron as it whizzed, just feet above the snow, racing into the malestrom of laser fire from the invading walkers.

Quickly realising that their blasters were ineffective, Luke had to devise another plan. Remembering his adventure in the Death Star, where he bravely used a grapple to swing across a bottomless chasm, he wondered - could the same principle apply here? The Snowspeeders too carried a harpoon - typically used for towing cargo loads. Could they be used as weapons, to tangle the walkers legs? It had to be worth a try.

Wedge's speeder was the first to attack. Boldly ducking between the walkers legs, gunner Janson fired the harpoon. It's grapple lodged in the Walkers pistons. Steel cable payed out from the snowspeeder, as Wedge banked the craft for the most daring and risky part of the manouerve - flying around the walker, once:

...twice, and three times!

All along the trenches, Rebel infantry men cheered!

It was a small victory - for on the battlefield, the poor infantry men were taking a drubbing. Yet they kept on fighting - knowing the real aim was to buy time to complete the evacuation. And on that score, the Rebels were winning - for in space above, the first transport was away:

As Luke watched the walker fall, laser blasts rocked this speeder, showering him in sparks - and killing his poor gunner Dack.

The speeder tumbled, and crashed into soft snow below - straight into danger, right in the path of the on-coming walker!

Diving to avoid the giant foot as it crushed the speeder, Luke fired his grapple into the belly of the AT-AT.

He whizzed up from the ground, till within reach of the metal monster, he slashed its belly open with his light sabre (*Han was a bad influence), threw a thermal detonator inside, and fearlessly dropped to the ground below.

The walker was demolished in a chain of explosions, as ammunition and fuel took alight!

++++++++++

It was too little too late for the Rebel defenders. For inside the head of the command walker, General Veers had his periscope trained on the Rebel reactor. Within a few giant footsteps, it would be in range.

Flanked by the shark eyed walker pilots, Veers summoned a hologram of Darth Vader, to give his report:

'We've reached the reactor. The shield will be down in moments'.

++++++++++

Now bombarded from space above, Echo Base was doomed. Rocked by explosions, the command centre was in ruins - littered with fallen ice, crushed equipment, sparking cables, and the macarbre spectre of dead droids. Only the most fearless and determined rebel leader remained - Princess Leia.

Poor Princess Leia - for the Empire had robbed her of everything. By rights, her life should have been one of palaces, parties, pleasure, and playing with the hearts of handsome princes. This ended in an instant, when the Empire destroyed the planet Alderaan, right before her eyes.

Not quite a prince, but there was a handsome man clambering through the wreckage to find her now:

An orderly announced 'Imperial troops have entered the base'. 'Come on... that's it' Han called to her. An explosion nearby settled the matter - it was time to run!

Moments later, Darth Vader and the evil masked snowtroopers stood where they had been.

+++++++++++++++++++++

From the collapsing ice caves, Han, Leia and Threepio ran to the giant hangar. They were hoping to escape upon the Millennium Falcon - but would the ship even be ready take off? Chewbacca had been making 'repairs'. Enthusiastic as he was, the wookies workmanship was notoriously slipshod (you try getting your dog to fix the car).

Seeing his friends persued, Chewbacca stood to his giant height, firing his bowcaster from the hip, whilst taunting the Snowtroopers with very very rude gestures from his free hand.

Threepio was lagging behind. 'hurry up goldenrod, do you want to be a permanent feature....'

They hurried up the ramp into the ship, just in the nick of time. The Snowtroopers began setting up heavy weapons - hoping to destroy the Falcon on the ground. Unlucky for them, the ship had some tricks up its sleeve:

Finally as Darth Vader himself lurched out of the cave mouth, the reluctant wheezing Falcon fired its mighty engines, and blasted its way into the sky.

++++++++++

As Luke trudged across the snow to the final evacuation point, a familiar sound roared through the sky above him. The Millennium Falcon. He smiled to know that his friends were safe. Who knew what adventures they would share next?

They would be together again... but first, he must follow Obi-Wan's instructions, and visit the planet 'Dagobah'.